6. MOJAVE RUN PORN SCENE BY JOE GAGE/TITANMEN! WHAT REALLY HAPPENED BACK THEN IN 2010!

I almost did not make it to Palm Springs Sunday before the shoot, which was when i was due to arrive & meet everyone for Mojave Run by Joe Gage (TitanMen) scheduled for Monday (19/04/10) - Thursday (23/04/10)! 

After relentless harassment from voices in my head & not getting enough sleep that week at 8pm Saturday night I took a couple of Xanex & I am sad to admit it but also an overdose of GHB. My eyes rolled to the back of my head & i fell into darkness as my head touched the pillow. 

Sadly i felt relief & calmness as I went unconscious in a matter of seconds instead of being worried as i went unconscious that i may have killed myself. Around 2 am whilst still in darkness i could hear the voices already beginning to annoy me again. Now awake, i wanted to go back to sleep  till 9-10 am, do gym & drive down to Palm Springs. All Sunday the voices were relentless & wanted a thank you??? i finally managed to leave & had to return home because i had not packed my douche since i could not think properly all bloody day! A bottom without a douche??? Faaaaaarken hell... 

I finally made it to Palm Springs around 10pm when everyone was going to bed & i didn't even have a pair of jeans with me, only the business attire that i had picked out during the week & a few items of gym clothing. 

When i arrived in Palm Springs, just after 10pm Sunday night instead of making it there during the day liked expected. Upon arrival Patrick that worked for Titan, gave me TWO IMODIUM TABLETS & SAID "TAKE THESE BECAUSE YOUR BOTTOMING TOMORROW" That was the worst worst worst thing Patrick could have done to me. It meant the Medications i needed to take & their side effects were a massive problem. At 2am and 4am even taking 2xXanex tablets (equivalent to White Bars) both times had no effect! No sleep was had the entire night.

MY ADVICE!... TO BE A GOOD BOTTOM, FIRSTLY YOU MUST DOUCHE & THEN TAKE IMODIUM & THEN YOUR GOOD TO GO ALL DAY! BUT NEVER THE NIGHT BEFORE OR IF NOT DOUCHED FIRST OR IF NEEDING MUST HAVE MEDICATION TO WORK!

When i finally got to meet Dakota River (Please Click here) Monday morning as he arrived on set i had not slept one wink all night. I knew who Dakota was but I had never met him properly so i was so keen to finally meet & nervous too... He is almost my height... & grrrrrrr... i wish my shoulders were as wide as his!.. BUT hearing his masculine voice when he first said hello that morning i thought was HOT & put me at ease! We then giggled about fun times at white party & at that moment after such a troubled night I thought perhaps the day would go well... but unfortunately things for me did not go well after that moment & even worse it certainly made life difficult for Dakota that day as a consequence. 

During the first scene which was a group scene (not the scene Dakota & I featured) the voices I was hearing in my head (mainly Karl Josef Silberbauer - Please click here for more information) started harassing me in my head & it caused me massive problems. My cock was flaccid & i was unable to get hard because of the unnecessary crap i was hearing in my head. I tried to hide it the best i could but Titan/Joe Gage/Brian Mills had to change scene plans since i could not perform & my eyes looked evil as i tried to tell voices to shut up so they avoided shooting me.

Could the day get any worse? How bad was I that day? Please read on.

Things went from bad to worse quickly. I entered my bedroom in tears & regretfully that is where i stayed most of the day. The voices in my head were relentless. I wish i had tried to explain to Dakota what i was going through as I'm certain he may have been able to help...or understand or even make me giggle which would have cured me. But instead i did the unthinkable... I avoided speaking to him or even looking at him each time if I past to go to the bathroom all day trying my best to douche which was made impossible after Patrick made me take Imodium tablets the night before. 

NEVER A WAY I SHOULD EVER TREAT A SCENE PARTNER!

They left filming us until the end of the day after everyone else had left because of me breaking down & crying as i had no ability to concentrate hearing voices & was not able to perform. I am still amazed Dakota was able to proceed after the way i had treated him all day. For the first time Titan offered me Caverject (Please click here for more info) which having already taking viagra that did not work in the morning made taking Caverject dangerous. Dakota, being the porn star that he is, & after me treating him horribly all day still performed great, even with his knees hurting on the hard marble floor which me being on my back, I did not have to worry about, but somehow he still performed.

Sadly Titan Men would never hire me again. Potential TitanMen $30K Exclusive deal gone. What is even worse... the friendship that i would have loved to have had with Dakota, since we have a lot in common, didn't go well which is totally understandable. 

All of the next day, although more shooting took place, they let me stay in bed all day. I laid in bed all day, not asleep, just laying there, wide awake, but trying not to say anything or think anything the entire day to avoid having anything to do with the voices in my head all day. Brian Mills & Joe Gage had both asked me to stay for dinner before returning to LA but Patrick gave me a cheque & basically said "So i'll guess you'll be heading back to LA then???" & said in such a way i felt like shit & that i should leave & head back to L.A so i did leave without having dinner with them like both Brian Mills & Joe Gage had asked & requested & even though i'd said i would stay, & so sadly I never got to explain about the voices. 

Titan & all on set just assumed i had overdone things partying & my own fault? 

...again Thanks to Patrick?