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The female voices in my head constantly call me an "Asshole" because they want to do "Hypnotics"(Please click here for more information)& are aware that they are nasty & hence why they need to convince themselves & others that i am a asshole or something that is nasty. Do they realise how stupid they are when i have "White Light"(Please click here for more information) around me that is brighter than the average person meaning i am anything but an asshole! The women tell others to not look at me or my overlay or soul which is stupid because who in their right mind would do something nasty to someone without checking who you are dealing with or without knowing anything about the person & just going on the word of someone that has level 5 Ora (the worst ora possible). They also tell women not to read anything i write. If i am sleep deprived the women take that as a good excuse to treat me like an asshole & "Antagonise Me"(Please click here for more information) & sadly last weekend i found myself in "Self Harm"(Please click here for more information) territory again. There is only so much you can handle having women constantly calling me an asshole when it is inside your head without my permission to be there in the first place & I have no escape & no alone time.
When they are "Harnessing"(Please click here for more information) my "Dopamine" means no fun for me & no point going to the gym (Please click here for why i cannot go to the gym) because they will harness my "Endorphins" meaning impossible to workout without them. The "Women"(Please click here for more information) whilst being disrespectful & nasty to me also expect me to entertain them which is not possible whilst they are in my head since i cannot think let alone be entertaining plus i do not want to entertain them as i do not know who any of them are & i would like to have a life! I do not have unlimited time like them with nothing else to do.
Even if i were an "Asshole" how many times do i deserve to miss out on having fun?
Legal-Well-Being advice for LGBTI Community & their friends now available. A Friendly face whom holds a Juris Doctor (JD) degree (Law Masters equivalent) from UNSW (Please click here for more information), BA in Marketing from London Metropolitan University & certified in Work-Place Training & Assessment, Public Relations & Diploma in Community services offers a new type of Legal Service.
Examples of Legal-Well-Being advice you may require:
- Your a recreational drug user & unsure of the laws & your rights.
- What are the best practices to adopt being a recreational drug user.
- What rights & responsibilities you have if being searched by police.
- What to do if your caught breaking the law by the police.
- A relationship breakdown with your wife/husband/de-facto
- You require Family law advice regarding divorce or breakup.
- What to do if your being harassed/stalked/intimidated.
- You need general wills & estates advice.
- You are suffering from discrimination.
- Your a Sex Worker & unsure of your rights, responsibilities & laws.
- You think you might be breaking a law but unsure what the laws are.
Having a troubled mind myself, consisting of Psychosis & schizophrenia, being a ex-porn star, & self confessed Party Boy & Rent-Boy in my time. I am street wise & I can say that I have been around the block several times so I offer to listen first, & then give all the helpful advice that I can. Not to be confused with the advice of a lawyer whom you still might need if trouble you have gotten yourself into has gone too far. My past experiences gives me a view-point from a different perspective to your average fella so it maybe worth running your issue or problem past me first before considering a lawyer or legal firm... Especially if it means your able to avoid law enforcement. I believe in striving to assist & listen to people that others may not & I will never just think ‘you should never have done that in the first place let alone considering doing it again. I am an expert on doing things or learning things the hard way.
Please feel free to call/message me (Please click the following Link) with any concerns that your having or to put it bluntly your thinking shit is gonna hit the fan any minute if I am not careful or change what i am doing.
My Case Manager says i should do Mindfulness??? My mum says put on some music with head phones??? But the problem which only another schizophrenic would understand is that i hear them not with my ears but inside my head which means none of these suggested ideas work??? Any suggestions??? Medicate???
Please leave a comment by clicking on the title link and PLEASE leave any suggestions on what i can do???
The women, if not antaganising me, spend their time trying to convince others that i am the biggest asshole or a selfish cunt or anything they can think up that is negative so they can continue to do "Hypnotics" (Please click here for more information) & treat me badly & get off on doing so! Therefore my "Problem(s)"(Please click here for more information)worsen rather than improve? Alternatively if the women do not succeed in convincing everyone negativity regarding who i am, they put "Hypnotics" on their heads & others heads, to ensure continuation of doing Hypnotics & Harnessing & mistreating me & so they can stay in my head without my permission! Why??? Because they have unlimited time & nothing better to do with themselves even with me suggesting things that they could be doing with no detriment to themselves.
The Female voices also play "Search & Destroy"(Please click here for more information) although the game is not on my head, instead they have one of the women give point scores to encourage the women to be nasty to me & to do "Hypnotics!"(Please click here for more information). Highest scores given to women that do something that causes lasting damage!
There are however some good good good souls i do not say "THANK YOU" enough for their help. For fun i have pictured some, this time not as "Orange Monsters"(Please click here for more information) but although my Doctor would say "Do not engage?" but instead i have decided to represent them as fun Purple Monsters. They stop me from having "Episodes"(Please click here for more information) & assist with the only ability i have which is to somehow make the women doing hypnotics & mistreating me see sense? I am scared to mention their names, or should i say the fun nicknames that i have given them in fear of them getting bad treatment. It seems the more they try & help which i need the help, because the women in my head treat me badly or try to make out i am something bad like an asshole so they can treat me badly & do "Hypnotics"(Please click here for more information) means good souls are also in the firing line & end up harmed or treated badly as well. That should not be the case & i hope they remain being a great help & focused on helping me they tingle & do not loose the "White Light"(Please click here for more information) around themselves. Luckily "Present"(Please click here for more information) does reward them by making them glow which makes them feel amazing.
The fun i could have if I only heard fun monsters???
I will give a special thanks, although risking them being harmed by the nasty souls they help me deal with, to Polly (Pauline), that I picture as above top right monster with colourful horns, whom has gone out of her way to help me. Then there is Dreamy (Benjamin) as pictured left hand side in the form of a monster & Dreamer (Sally which i picture as the monster abovem secong from the left hand side,)who are imaginative "Visual Creative Directors" that do their best to be fun, & for doing the right thing by me by not allowing anyone to use their creative skills to enable & lock in Hypnotics or anything detrimental to my well-being no matter how badly treated by nasty souls or "Hypnotic Whores"(Please click here for more information). Another mention needs to go to the Lady i nicknamed Miss Ferrari Testarossa (Sarah) whom i am grateful because of her pleasantness & helpfulness pictured above 3rd from left as Light purple monster. Also Thank You to Sam/Samuel who wants to be heard for the good work that he has done, pictured right as one eyed monster with Megaphone, who does help me although his love of Hypnotics does gets him into trouble especially when he is causing me harm without realising. But his heart, just like the others mentioned is in the right direction & helps me, if only there were more that way. Also Thanks to Miss Sassy (Pictured with Heart saying "ASSHOLE") because the first time i heard her she said that attempting to be funny except i totally cunted her before realising she was joking... she has been her weight in gold. There are more good souls that i have not mentioned that deserve a Thank You as well.
Although the photo does not show, i am blue. Yep sad & depressed. Still waiting to be appointed as a "Lawyer"(Please click here for more information).I wanna get in shape after the new "Medication"(Please click here for more information) increased my hunger & instead of weighing 92-94kg i weigh 106kg but every time i workout the voices give me problems & will not allow me to have motivation & drive or feel my "Endorphin rushes"(Please click here for more information). What is the point of souls feeling my endorphin rushes when they are not the ones that have to lift weights to failure. A few weeks back i made it to the gym & because of amazing soulsi managed not to tingle but they enabled me to feel, what i call, the "I can climb Mount Everest" rush so i did a major Bicep & Tricep workout & gave off a good vibe as i destroyed the muscles to get them bigger & with my muscle memory from being a gym junkie in the past meant they felt huge. No pain no gain was true. "My Master Plan"(Please click the following link to see my master plan) has not been achieved & I only have a few more years to succeed.
Rather than being active why can't the voices lay dormant? The last time they lay dormant (Please click here for more information) I had a great night & everyone felt fantastic! Instead the women remain in my head as they have done for the past 10 years & refuse to "Pull Away" (Leave my head) because if they did then the "New Medication"(Please click here for more information) means they cannot regain entry? Of course being in my head they expect me to entertain them & provide effects to make them feel good.
I am happy to provide good effects if i am allowed to feel them & they can enjoy as well without ruining their destiny & fate & giving themselves bad Karma.
It is my body & my brain that creates good effects that the voices steal & rob me of having!
Meet Wrinkles the dog. Puppy Pound Number: 8026430. He was rather unhappy with me taking photos of him. What is different about Wrinkles the dog is that he shares love by giving people evils? Basically when he is happy he gives nasty looks at those wanting his attention. Not because he is unhappy as he has Snoopy & feels that he is in a dog pack. He makes me giggle & loves a cuddle. How can you not giggle when with those red eyes he gives completely evil nasty stares that do make you think you need to check yourself or wonder what you did wrong to deserve those looks from him...But like i said that is his way of sharing the love. In the photos below he does not look like he is giving evil looks but i think that was because he did not like his photo being taken? Wanna know how i feel about having a dogs life then please click this link. I'd be happy i think if i were a dog.
Question? Is it possible i can hear & talk with people whilst asleep?
Since people do not remember their dreams, asking them about a conversation i had with them, they would have forgotten?
Most of the voices i hear in my head are from souls in "Heaven"(Please click here for more information) but sometimes i hear voices that belong to people alive on Earth as a result of Souls in Heaven playing games on me. It is usually when they are asleep & would be dreaming & do not remember because unless you are like me you do not remember your dreams (Please click here for more information) I am open minded & have heard the voices from Heaven change what my dad said when i needed a yes or no answer & he none the wiser.
Below is a Tattoo design not for myself but one i designed for a voice I heard whilst he was sleeping. He has the initials M.D? I personally do not know him & not sure how i would contact him to check if true or not.Anyways the voice said he liked my "Star of Happiness"(Please click here for more information) & like mine wanted the star of happiness breaking through a flat line because you flatline if you forget about your happiness but did not want the same as mine (Please click here to view my Star of Happiness). It is going through a Square (Because the guy is straight not gay) Ying-Yang. The reason for the Ying-Yang is to show that the guy wanting the tattoo design is in touch with both his masculine & feminine side & definitely NOT HOMOPHOBIC. The additional Square around the Ying-Yang signifies that you must think outside the box & remind M.D you will never be framed for anything that you do or have done that is for the greater good of mankind (Please click here for more information). Surely you have seen the TV Series Dexter?
As mentioned being heterosexual male that wanted as well "Angel Wings" but not the same as everyone else that others have which is Angel Wings with visable feathers. Here that are not just "Angel Wings" but the "Angel Wings" with a difference as they are also the wings used for Air Force "Top Gun"!.
The pussy cat with a crown on its head signifying it is King/Queen because the fella LOVES pussy to the point that he worships pussy & women will find that appealing. Please note, there should not be any white its just that the wings had a grey background.
M.D Please leave a message in the comments section & let me know what you think & that you got the design?
I have never liked the big thing on my shoulder as it was not what i wanted & the tattoo artist would not listen to what i wanted & I was too busy being nervous & concerned about the pain level to stop him from doing what he wanted rather than what i wanted unlike Marty. I was even tempted to try Tattoo laser removal. If i blacken out what is on my Shoulder then being abstract i can say it a Superman Symbol. Plus will make my shoulders look bigger (Please click here to see original of what i wanted).
The original black strip down my abdomen boarded with straight lines is meant to signafiy a road & remind people to read between the lines but its straight with no bends, & no way to change directions & boarded by flatlines, which is not really what my life is about. The black beside it going up to my armpit would signify a road without boundaries & widens as it gets to the top as you learn more & more as you travel down any road. Also finishing in my armpit where you sweat the most reminds me that not all roads are easy & some are hard work. The possible additional strips (Similar to what Ben Volt did in second photo above) on arm/bicep/tricep would signify military lines/double strip like a Sargeant meaning i can follow orders & do my best to care for those that not as well off as me. Also in photo far right the added strip which matches the road, means i need to show discipline not matter what road i am on, small or big.
The changes simplifies & makes tattoo abstract & means i can read anything into what i want the shapes to be as written above. I should have gone with my own designs in the first place rather than Pagan Symbols that anyone else could have. If you click the following link you see what i mean about why you sould create your own symbols & design.I am keeping one Pagan Symbol on chest meaning "Those who seek to harm me & my loved ones have their intent turned back upon themselves!"
My parents have downsized the Shire (Oyster Bay) family home i grew up in to a new much smaller property in the Western Suburbs (Glenmore Park) to be nearer to my sister & I am have moved with them.
It was an ideal way to escape being abused further from the voices due to set Hypnotics. Epic fail, The voices refused to leave my head & have set my new house by contaminating it with Hypnotics again like our old house & bedroom.
Changing residences & moving to a new location should have meant that i escaped the voices that threaten to give "Episodes" (Please click here for more information) if they do not get stimulation which I cannot handle & should not have to do. I do not ask them to make me feel good & want them outta my head!
Basically It should have been similar to faking my own death (Moving house) & I could have gotten away from the voices I hear in my head?
When i drive through "WestConnex" underground tunnel which is the quickest way to go into the city the voices think i have placed Hypnotics & the Tunnels are not real. They have not even noticed the move???
If you have been reading this Blog Story then you will know that the voices in my head have been giving me "Episodes"(Please click here for more information) sometimes twice weekly which i can not handle. During an Episode i cannot speak properly or be understood & usually screaming my head off as they give me jaw stretches & painful neck twists which is just the start of it. The voices cannot hear me screaming because they are so selfish being in my head without my permission & do not want to hear me as it may stop them from doing them, hence why i cannot talk properly. It has been touch & go though, been close to having a episode, & almost was not able to swallow at all & choked, but mostly thank you to good souls & some no longer here anymore (Please click here for more information) that have been stopping the nasty souls from treating me badly. I think finally they have realised that playing "Games on my Head"(Please click here for more information) are not fun & are detrimental to anyone that plays them. There are some souls that just want to be nasty but hopefully they do care about themselves & will do nothing other than watch over me & lay dormant to reduce their bad karma & improve their destiny & fate. Sadly the voices are still "Harnessing"(Please click here for more information) so when i want to have fun i miss out. The main reason they harness is to feel good whilst treating me badly because they loose the "White Light"(Please click here for more information) & consequently feel uncomfortable. Surprisingly i have been wanting to have fun a lot more than usual which has not been successful but it has assisted in decreased episodes.
Is it me or some good souls above that have prevented me having Episodes for an entire month? Either way I am grateful!
It's hard to look & feel good when "Women voices"(Please click here for more information) are constantly calling you a selfish asshole or cunt because i am not focused on entertaining them or primarily making them feel good. If they are not treating me badly they spend their time trying to convince everyone that i am a selfish asshole? Why can't they allow me to feel good? I sadly am not happy with myself as i have gained weight from the "Medication" (Please click here for more information) & going to the gym is pointless as i cannot work out whilst i do not feel any "Endorphin Rush" (Please click here for more information) as the voices make it that they feel them while i feel nothing? What is the point of them feeling like they could climb Mount Everest (Feeling from Endorphin Rush) when they have unlimited time & do not have to push out the next set?
Its been at least 3 years since i have had sex with someone? I even have problems "masturbating"(Please click here for more information) as the voices do not leave me alone. One of the last attempts to have sex with someone was a disaster. The expression on my face showed pure pleasure & enjoyment written on my face, then as i tried to tell the voices in my head to shut up & fuck off, the expression on my face then looked like i was ready to kill someone which, as you can imagine, was very confusing for the guy i was playing with.The arrogance of the voices feeling they were more important wanting attention, with their unlimited time, rather than allowing me fun & fun for the person i was with?
Imagine the fun i could/would have if I did not hear voices?
There is light at the end of the tunnel, some "Ladies" (Not women (Please click here for more information explaining my dislike for them)) have finally realised i was not an asshole & now these "Ladies" are doing their best to rectify the situation & help me as i need helping & to stop women treating me like shit & being disrespectful/rude/vulgar for a quick rush!
How do i get the women to stop Harnessing? (Please click here for more information & to learn what harnessing is) or whatever they have spent their time renaming/redefining "Harnessing" to continue the bad karma practise no matter what is done to try & stop them which is in their best interest? If they spent half the time getting everyone to lay dormant rather than "Harness" then both them & I would be having more than 100% good times! No one would loose.
Do these women need cock? Nah... they need to be torn new assholes!
What do these women expect from me? Please read on.
What a wonderful dog was Rowlf. Why didn't he feature in the latest Muppet Movie? He was in the original Muppet Movie, he sung to a broken down Kermit the Frog "I Hope Something Better comes along"! He was a great piano player & singer! He even sung about "Pie"! FANTASTIC! Best dog a friend could have (Please click here for more information of why I would be happy being a dog).
Now they have gone. When i was stressed or not coping with things i used to grab my thumbs (just like when i was Aaron Rothschild & since i was so young & small used to grab Stephano's thumb rather than hold his hand) & they would sense i was in trouble & help me deal with things. Now i cannot do this. Also when i was Aaron Rothschild when Stefano hid me out in the Cemetery so to not be taken by authorities whilst at Lodz Ghetto i had my face pressed against his since it was warm & we were out in the snow. Jenny Rothschild (Please click here for more information) could not find us & Stephano could not hear her calling out for us as i had stuck my finger in his ear in order to hold on to him & his warmth. With Rick when i was in the Afterlife the first time (Please click here for more information) when i was not watching over people i would sit quietly cuddled up in his lap & head on his leg whilst he talked to Cleopatra (Please click here for more information).
The above mentioned memories, since in my memory bank from past lives, means i was able to connect, sense, feel, talk & hear them both. I can no longer connect with them, as by choice, they reincarnated together.
In their new lives both Stephano & Ricks were placed well as their mums are best friends from School so they will definitely re-unite in their new lives. When i watch over them when i die i will see if they are best friends, BF''s, married, with/without kids etc which keeps me from crying thinking about how i can no longer connect with them. I am scared that some soul who shows hatred towards me will kill them both which is what happened the last time they both reincarnated together. Died of SIDS (Sudden Instant Death Syndrome) because of souls doing the wrong thing in the "Afterlife" or to be correct "Heaven"(Please click here for more information). Talk about nasty, sad & unfair. I am doing my best to deal without them.
Wanna know what song Stefano sang to me before he reincarnated? Please read on.
Wilfried Knight a French born (February 19th 1975) Porn Star with Lucas Entertainment, Raging Stallion & Falcon killed himself on this day 5th of March year 2013, after his husband Jerry Enriquez committed suicide 2 weeks prior to Wilfried ending his life. They were married in Canada 2011 where marriage was legal but sadly had difficulties having their marriage recognised in the USA & sadly faced leaving each other, which they definitely did not want, since unable to live together in the USA. They killed themselves in order to be together rather than be apart like USA wanted.
Wilfried, like myself & sorry for sounding arrogant was extremely intelligent & studied & graduated in Law (Please click here for more information) from University in France. He additionally continued studies at University in Belgium & Greece.
The United Kingdom acknowledge same sex Marriage by introducing "Commitment Ceremony" for same sex couples & has same legal rights as Marriage in 2006. Australia should have followed suite & having studied "Constitution Law" (Please click here for more information) which means Queen has ultimate power & can make Acts in motion or even if a referendum & laws pass through parliament the Queen can say no & the Act scrapped! Yes she has that much power & if she said we having it then the Act just has to be written. What Australia should have done was grab the Queens attention which easily done if every float in the Sydney Mardi Gras did something to grab her attention. Mardi Gras parade was built on a protest rally to gain equality for homosexuals. The Queen just has to say the word & Same sex marriage is enacted. For example Dykes on bikes having Queen Elizabeth masks & the indigenous float having the Queen ride their serpent, & the dancing boys wearing Tiaras. Same Sex Marriage could have been introduced 2006/2007 but was not introduced in Australia until 2017 (Please click here for more information).
I am sure both hotties are watching down from above & happily still in love.
So how was Mardi Gras? I did my best, "tried to get off my face"(Please click here for Blog Story 168.) because, although it's not for everyone & sober living is best, i knew if i got the effect that i should get then it would be fun. Sadly the voices "harnessed"(Please click here for Blog Story 97.) or as they are now doing robbing me of an increased effect that I produce which made me feel like shit & all i wanted to do was lay down. You would think that since the women in my head gave me an "Episode last week"(Please click here for Blog Story 176.) that being Mardi Gras they should let me have fun. Still like a trooper i managed to get out & have a dance with once voice in my head that was just getting off on a quick rush by calling me an "Asshole" or "Selfish Asshole" or "Cunt" (Please click here for Blog Story 76.) with vengeance & giving me attitude. If i had a dollar for every time someone has said in my head, which they have no permission to enter, a nasty name or a show of disrespectfulness, i'b be a Billionaire
I bought new dancing shoes & everything!
BUT... No fun with a frown on my face?
Voices won't stop harassing me & it becomes too difficult to have fun when they will not relent, so i went home & slept rather than bring everyone else down & ruin their night.
