34. FIGHT CLUB - ANOTHER REAL LIFE STORY OF SELF HARM FROM HEARING VOICES?

The truth? The REAL fights are NEVER seen.  A reality that is unlike any scene in the movie. I would definitely stop others if i could. Hearing voices that won't stop or listen to reason. Why didn't I win when i won the first fight/argument in my head? That was the round that should have counted the most! If said once then why do i then need to say it again? because it shouldn't be said anyway? or i said it the wrong way? Or i needed to say it a hundred times in a row in order to be heard just once???

On the 10/10/09 (although Pictures from 2009) because of self harming my Right hand swollen, knuckles bleeding, as the skin split from the swelling....unable to turn my neck without pain due to the force/impact from hitting against my right hand side.... upper neck damaged from side jolts. More than a week to recover from that episode. Its hard to accept that the voices & their behaviours are out of my control! Like the movie says "This is your life"....however it is not ending at one minute at a time ...it ended as soon as your head became a "GAME BOARD" (Please click here for more information). They know i feel and hear them

All those who love the movie & thought it imaginative & done by some creative writer.... ask yourself ....What is the movie really about? & where the story come from? A fella that found self harm as being an answer? I too struggle as self harm does bring a sense of relief or feeling like you have done your best to stop what is really going on?

And then there is "No response time"? 

Sorry i don't fear the unknown! 

But when your distracted enough by these sadistic voices then your ability to control your limbs becomes out of control. 

And then you fight even harder! 

Wanna know the answer on how to gain control? Please read on by clicking the link below.

As for the answer on how to gain control or change the channel, or not be interrupted... that answer i wish i could give you & i wish even more for people to realise they might not always know or have the right answer & sadly I'm still searching for the answer myself! Please refer to what is said & written under "Suicide Prevention" in the menu bar on the left hand side of blog (Please click here to go to that page). 

Back living in LA, one of the first few times I found myself in the fight club I ran out of my apartment & sat at Romaine & La-Cienega against Domino Pizza's side wall (Pictured below). If outside in public less chance I will smack until i fully punch & punch myself so hard i have harmed myself. BUT sitting there the voices did not relent and then all I wanted to do as I sat there was crack the back of my head against the wall. In an attempt to self preserve, instead of sitting against the wall, I shuffled forward on my backside away from the wall, BUT THINGS GOT WORSE! Karl Josef Silberbauer (Please click here for more information) did not let up harassing me. Now I figured away from the wall, rather than being safe, instead now in more danger as i figure I could now get a real good swing & more momentum & really smash my head backwards against the wall & end hearing these voices! Would definitely be a hospital job if not death. Luckily someone I knew drove past & seen me & stopped, shame I wasn’t in the mood for sex coz he’s a hot guy & a top too... but luckily it diffused the situation! 

What i do fear, is due to the level of self harm, which if being honest, existed until the year 2023, means my skull bone has hardened & thickened due to hair-line fractures, & to leave the back of your skull, as done during death will be difficult & only when I endure cremation (burning) may I be enabled to leave my head when i die?