9. THE WRITING IS ON THE WALL - DOCTORS DIAGNOSIS MYSELF AS SUFFERING A SEVERE DISORDER!

The doctors explained to me that i have onset Psychosis and irreversible schizophrenia.

Apparently I should have confused thinking, delusions, & hallucinations? Fantastic… except i am not!. Instead I am hearing voices loud and clear and they are boring the shit out of me! I am seriously jealous of Emily Rose (Please click here for more info)  Anneliese Michel's was her real name) as the voices she heard were evil & established individuals or so they said??? Although if i am thinking truthfully all her voices were afterlife fuckwitz that were beyond nasty!!! Mine are worse than wannabe industry people loving the sound of their own voices! (Please click here to hear some of voices i am hearing). THAT TAKES BEING NASTY when they are dealing with me TO A WHOLE further severe WORLD!!!

Trust me when i say i know what a drug induced state can cause & not cause that is how i know half of what is going on is something else!..& half of what is going on can't be explained by medical science I'm sure, thats why this is such a problem for me.... plus I gotta ask am i a patient or a test rabbit??… fuck I'm over drugs!....but at least i have not had any of these following drugs (listed below) on the dance floor like i have had everything else! LOL 

Firstly the doctors put me on:
2010 Risperidone

2010 Methadone (Stopped my body parts from moving after seizures)

2011 Benztropine

2012 Abilify (Aripiprazole) 10mg 
2013 Ability (Aripiprazole) 20mg

2013 Esitalo (Escitalopram) 20mg (Anti-depressant rather than Anti-psychotic)

2014 Ability (Aripiprazole) 30mg
2015 Zyprexa (Olanzapine) 5mg (You gain fat cells even if you lived on lettuce leaves)
2016 Zyprexa (Olanzapine) 10mg (Was effective in removing Hypnotics (Please click here for more information))

2017 Zyprexa (Olanzopine) 20mg

2018 Seroquel (Quetiapine) 100mg  (Massive weight gainer - Case Manager said her client gained 60kg/132pounds)

Seroquel (Quetiapine) is the worst offender of increasing the production of fat cells & after hearing from my Mental Health Case Manager that one of her patients gained 60 kilos (132.77 pounds) weight whilst on Seroquel (Quetiapine) so i only took that antipsychotic drug for a few weeks.  I am sorry but even if the drug worked & removed the voices in my head, i am shallow/vain i admit, but there is no way i could be happy with such excessive weight gain.

2018 Latuda (Lurasidone hydrochloride) 40mg  (Less weight gain)
2019 Latuda (Lurasidone hydrochloride) 40mg (Deadly if taken more than two doses)

2019 Rexulti (Brexpiprazole) 3mg

2019 Clozaril (Clozapine) (Must be administered in hospital only) 

 🏥  (Please click here for more information on start of treatment date) Due to severe chest pains caused by the Clozapine, the medication was terminated as Jock Hudson needed to be taken to the cardiac ward immediately for 3 days of observation. The Clozapine caused Myocarditis which can mean instant heart attack & death. 3 days in the cardiac ward before being allowed to leave & return to the Mental Health Ward as i narrowly escaped heart attack/failure. Sadly though i still had Myocarditis which meant several months of being constantly monitored. (For more information on how long Myocarditis stuck with me - Please click here) & for more information regarding the problem of hearing voices (Please click here).

To be honest i am not upset that the Clozaril (Clozapine) attempt to remove the voices in my failed due to almost having a heart attack & had to be terminated because i have since learnt that taking Clozaril (Clozapine) increases the production of fat cells more than taking Zyprexa (Olanzopine) which made me gain so much weight that i ended up having liposuction (Please click here for more information) to remove the unwanted extra fat/weight once i had stopped taking it. Even if you lived on Lettuce Leaves you cannot avoid gaining weight.

2019 Risperidone again (Small amount of weight gain)

2020 Geoden (Ziprisodone) 20mg (No weight gain)
2020 Geoden (Ziprisodone) 80mg

2020 Solian (Amisulpride) 200mg (No weight gain)
2020 Solian (Amisulpride) 400mg (Makes the voices lay dormant)

2022 Solian (Amisulpride) 800mg
2023 Solian (Amisulpride) 1200mg

This list doesn't include the drugs that i was prescribed to take that they have finally taken me off as they may have been what caused the damage in the first place!

Sustiva (efavirenz) 600mg as in Atripla Tablet.

I am not proud to admit i spent too many years off my tits at dance parties or getting hammered at home any & every day of the week to make cleaning the house more interesting (although if you find yourself cleaning the bathroom floor with a toothbrush & unsure if its even yours or not you know you may have gone too far!) … & yes I have done more, yes more than my fair share of drugs…but makes a person self aware & it has given me in-depth knowledge of the entire alphabet of chemicals & all their side effects… so bloody hell i'd say i am well aware of what i should/shouldn't be feeling???

8. HMMMMM... I GUESS MY LITTLE UNIVERSE WAS WRONG! :(

DID MY FAVORITE T-SHIRT GET IT WRONG?

The T-Shirt above (My favorite & so i purchased two of them) features Grover (One of my nicknames because i unintentionally make Grover sounds all day long) but who is he with? Similar height but he has a bigger nose, bigger build and nice smile! Sexy for sure! Tele-Monster is his name on Sesame Street. That is whom i am meant to be with. That is not that crazy is it?

Plus have you never based love prospects according to a Sesame Street song? 

On Sesame Street

"A", "B", always finishes with "C"? 

Doesn't it? 

Well that is how the song goes. "Its as easy as ABC"

That's how easy love should be???

A hot bloke named Mark told me when chatting on "Manhunt" hook up website that his name finishes in "c" Marc? Marc Wilcox (Hard_novelty@bigmucle.com where he did say he liked hairy butts which i can accommodate but i wax it all off). 

On "Manhunt" Marc with a "c" exchanged numbers & said he might hook up with me the following weekend at Pool Party in Palm Springs. Serioulsy if you had read his profile online i fit the bill. Almost exactly 10 years younger (Tick) tall (Tick), and possible red haired (Tick) (I was once labelled as being "Tawny" (Please click here for more information)) & he said he wanted someone that had brains so he could fuck them out (Tick) (Please click  here for more information). Or maybe it should have started with capital "C" Craig? Craig Hibbard (Toughboy@bigmucle.com but he had in capital letters HIV NEGATIVE which does not work for me) or maybe I was wrong and it was neither to be & maybe i am ment to be with neither?


Yes it sounds crazy and Yes I know it sounds crazy PLUS if either of Marc Wilcox or Craig Hibbard were the slightest bit interested years ago when i first met them both & said the same thing twice as they made me nervous and I was new in town... they invited me to a party but i got too shy & nervous & never went... & needed to find out what the hell was going on with the guy i was with at the time, but sadly now i have yelled, screamed, harassed, texted, phoned, stalked, begged & pleaded that neither will speak with me face to face... so i get even more crazy...

CRAZY PEOPLE NEED TO BE TOLD IN PERSON 

"YOU ARE FAAAARKEN CRAZY"!

Then maybe i can deal with this crazy shit i am going thru! (Schizophrenia & Psychosis (Please click here for more information).

Wanna hear more crazy? Plus what happened on every App known to man? Please read on.