0. BLOG STARTING POINT - DOES 20+ YEARS PARTYING CAUSE YOU TO HEAR VOICES?

Photo taken back around year 2000 (Photo taken by Veronique who i love cause the photo made my abs look great and best ever which i always felt i looked good when I was in her company) before i left Sydney Shore to discover the world and myself at the time which back then i was still in the process of working out who i actually was??

I barely recognise myself (Second from the right) waxed plucked & pruned!

Do you hear voices in your head? Most people in their head hear their own voices playing a good role (Angel?) or something involving more trouble (devilish?). As a child growing up you are told no one can hear your thoughts & whether bad or good they are private & only you can hear them? What if that is not true? Why can my thoughts be heard now? It is invasive to say the least!

The other people in the photo are all pure heaven! 

Wonderful people to know! 

PLUS i learnt how to party & party i did for almost 20 years +

My friend Tara is a beautiful soul and gave me some of the greatest advice in life. She helped me with extra fun! 

She was even the person that first started me off working out & loving the gym! X X X

She & everyone mentioned in this blog entry knew me before my transformation.

TEST QUESTION NUMBER 1
How come that boy in the black & white photo below has got the same hair & facial hair around his chin as the fruit beside a gorgeous Paulo in the colour photo below the black & white photo? Is it the same fella?

Transformation included reconstructive surgery (which turned out to be one of the funniest experiences since they gave me cocaine which they asked me if I had ever had it before & although claiming I had not had it before I actually told the nurse i should allow me to snort it rather than how she shoved the liquified substance up my nose with difficulty & I could not get over its strength & had to say this shit is strong & all before going into the operating theatre. It even included me screaming at the nurse who placed the heart rate monitor on my finger because I was not paying attention as I was too tall to fit on the operating table & I thought something had bitten me. lol) to attempt to fix deviated septum (Unaware of a nose breakage during an accident as a child caused it to incorrectly develop) I additionally had further cosmetic surgery rather than just reconstructive surgery to restore myself & my looks. What is funny is that i didn't tell my parents about additional chin implant. When my parents picked me up after second surgery my mum asked me "Did you have your chin done?" i said nothing coz i had two black eyes and ambundance of bandaging around my chin so i could not lie. hehe. LOL

Thanks to surgery I was able to erase all my school years of total harassment, bullying and abuse from school kids in my year and lower years. I blamed the cause of all of it being due to having a bent nose and stopped questioning relentlessly what i must have done each time to have been the cause to be the target of bullies & their nasty behaviour to me to try & look good. 

Since my deviated septum (bent nose) from an accident as a child made my nose grow the wrong way & consequently then stopped my voice breaking & sounding deep,

i sounded weird, had braces on my teeth. 

Meant during English class, the teacher said 

"We don't want to hear your voice, next person read on." 

And i had to deal with the whole class laughing at me. 

Although relieved as i did not have to speak like i did during roll call which caused me huge anxiety.

 

Picked last in P.E (Physical Education) Class when time to pick Teams???

Worse than that! 

They don't want me on either team, so i would get pushed back & forth by each team as they screamed no 

"We do not want him on our team, have him on your team", 

"No Teacher said he was on your Team"

Unaccepted by both teams meant I would sit that game out.

 

Being a skinny kid with braces on my teeth & with a weird voice & gel in my hair meant they do not want me on either team

The Teacher would allow myself, and my best friends Craig Walshie, Blake Trudgeon, Lindsey Shaw & Chris Pratley (when he wanted to join us) to play tennis instead separated from the rest of the P.E class which saved me embarrassment! 

To be honest i had no idea i was gay until leaving High School because i grew up with friends that were all girls (Neighbors) & i thought i was just bored with Virginas coz as a kid i ONLY ever played doctors & nurses with girls & besides seeing my dads cock once when i was too young to remember i just thought i was bored with seeing vaginas. I even discovered my dads collection of "Penthouse" & "Playboy" magazines which my mum knew about & allowed him to collect as is it is healthy & not cheating. I read & jerked off to every picture. Although in reflection i do not think it increased masturbation looking at pussy but the thought of cock going into the pussy's i was checking out in each magazine. 

Would you believe when i was in year 10 (School certificate Year) I was in a shopping centre & kids in years below me, i think year 8 had discovered from seeing all the students in my year make fun of me without a reaction that they could make fun of me in a attempt to to look good. So whilst i was in Westfield Shopping centre kids in years below me started yelling that i was a poofta & a faggot & that i stuck 4 finger up some guys bum (totally untrue as i did not loose my virginity until working in a gay bar for six months & still never touched another guys bum) I did my best to ignore them but everyone in the shopping centre was staring at me which understanably was hard to deal with. 

Would you believe I did not have my first sexual experience with another male until after i had accepted i was gay & to meet other gay males & to make friends, thanks to Louise O'Conner suggesting the idea, took a second job at "The Flinders" (Next to Beresford ally) which known as a one of the premier gay party venues back in the mid 90's as a "Glassy" (collecting glasses) & "Bartender". Working behind the Bar there mean i had a reputation HOWEVER i was still a Virgin until after i stopped working there. When Dafney (David) my boss mentioned initiating me on the pool table i became so scared that i quit coz i was a virgin. LOL. I discovered DCM (Dont Cry For Me Mumma Coz I am Gay - Oxford Street Sydney) party scene since i was fortunate enough to receive a 'Industry pass' which meant i did not have to line up to get in or pay entry fee, all because i worked at the 'Flinders'.where most of the friends i meet were not gay but straight. OMG HOW I LOVED DCM IN THE MID 90's! LOL. The gay boys pick up & leave whereas the "Straight" party people at DCM's party all weekend long starting at "Sugar Reef" (Kings Cross) & "Blackmarket" (Central Station) followed by the "Beresford" Sundays rather than having one night stands! 

Now for a game? who's up for some real test questions? Please read on.

Test question 2

Why might Seven Days & One week be my favourite song of all time?

Thanks to atarifreak (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPThQ7mrfEl0JivFEn4-bow)

Test Question 3 

What year did i draw this painting (below right) that i kept all these years that Art teacher who wanted painting of terrorism i think was the aim & he said it was 

a) Good.

b) Bad.

c) I needed to paint faces. 

Identifying the faces would have made school life even worse so instead I just painted signs.

The worst part about being bullied & harassed is when you can stand their and be humiliated, pushed around & insulted and you feel nothing! Feeling nothing at all when your in front or not in front of bully's is actually the scariest feeling you could ever have. Why? Because when you feel nothing, nothing at all, it means you have the ability to do anything you want. Yes, you can do anything you want? There is nothing that could or would stop you doing whatever might be on your mind? It is only when you feeling something, an emotion or a tear which can easily unnerve you, make you slip or fault what you wanted to do, and it means you know your still alive inside. 

That is why souls that are suicidal rather than attention seeking (although attention seekers can be helped luckily) always achieve suicide rather than making an failed attempt & no one knows that they are suicidal until they achieved it.

I had been taught that the best practise when being bullied or harassed was to ignore it & act as if their words had no effect. Ignore it & it will go away. Wrong as mentioned above. It just encourages them as they think it makes them look good belittling you. If i ever had kids i would tell them to first ask the bully to stop calling you names & explain to them how you do not like it & it upsets you. Once you have done that & they still continue calling you names then beat the shit out of them. Or tell them what ever you do do not stick your tongue out at me as that really pisses me off & once they stick their tongue out give them a sharp fast upper cut to their jaw & have them bite their tongue off. No way they can call you names now or will at the very least think twice about harassing you again Otherwise you spend your life wondering what you did wrong to deserve such harassment.

I firmly say:

"Sticks and stones may break your bones but words, yes words, words can actually kill you!"

Party photos   

I have been partying from 1995 until 2015 - 20+ Years now easily. 

Tea Dance (White Party) Palm Springs 2011 - Me on the right -
Hence why Karl Josef Silberbauer was so jealous (Please click here for more information).

This year, 2011, the voices were already in my head.
AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PHOTO FROM WHITE PARTY SUNDAY TEA DANCE 2011.
In year 2011 I had the fun time I deserved since i reached "Optimal" (Please click here for more information) in 2009 when the voices began in my head & schizophrenia started.

2011 I HAD SUCH A FUN WEEKEND DOING ALL 7 PARTIES IN A ROW!

 The voices actually did the right thing by me & laid Dormant (Not active in my head)!

Sadly at White Party 2010 i was having such problems with the voices in my head & my friends had not noticed, although at the first party held on the Friday night being unhappy i left everyone at the party & returned to the room alone with voices in my head. I was staying on the top floor of the hotel except the Wyndham Hotel is only four stories high, a good thing, as throwing myself off the balcony would not have killed me & achieved death & gotten rid of voices in my head!.

I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT FELT THE EARTHQUAKE TREMA THAT NIGHT SINCE EVERYONE WAS DOWN AT THE PARTY GOING OFF THAT MADE ME STOP THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE & INSTEAD I TOOK A ZANEX AND GOT INTO BED.