0. BLOG STARTING POINT - DOES 20+ YEARS PARTYING CAUSE YOU TO HEAR VOICES?

Photo taken back around year 2000 (Photo taken by Veronique who i love cause the photo made my abs look great and best ever which i always felt i looked good when I was in her company) before i left Sydney Shore to discover the world and myself at the time which back then i was still in the process of working out who i actually was??

I barely recognise myself (Second from the right) waxed plucked & pruned!

Do you hear voices in your head? Most people in their head hear their own voices playing a good role (Angel?) or something involving more trouble (devilish?). As a child growing up you are told no one can hear your thoughts & whether bad or good they are private & only you can hear them? What if that is not true? Why can my thoughts be heard now? It is invasive to say the least!

The other people in the photo are all pure heaven! 

Wonderful people to know! 

PLUS i learnt how to party & party i did for almost 20 years +

My friend Tara is a beautiful soul and gave me some of the greatest advice in life. She helped me with extra fun! 

She was even the person that first started me off working out & loving the gym! X X X

She & everyone mentioned in this blog entry knew me before my transformation.

TEST QUESTION NUMBER 1
How come that boy in the black & white photo below has got the same hair & facial hair around his chin as the fruit beside a gorgeous Paulo in the colour photo below the black & white photo? Is it the same fella?

Transformation included reconstructive surgery (which turned out to be one of the funniest experiences since they gave me cocaine which they asked me if I had ever had it before & although claiming I had not had it before I actually told the nurse i should allow me to snort it rather than how she shoved the liquified substance up my nose with difficulty & I could not get over its strength & had to say this shit is strong & all before going into the operating theatre. It even included me screaming at the nurse who placed the heart rate monitor on my finger because I was not paying attention as I was too tall to fit on the operating table & I thought something had bitten me. lol) to attempt to fix deviated septum (Unaware of a nose breakage during an accident as a child caused it to incorrectly develop) I additionally had further cosmetic surgery rather than just reconstructive surgery to restore myself & my looks. What is funny is that i didn't tell my parents about additional chin implant. When my parents picked me up after second surgery my mum asked me "Did you have your chin done?" i said nothing coz i had two black eyes and ambundance of bandaging around my chin so i could not lie. hehe. LOL

Thanks to surgery I was able to erase all my school years of total harassment, bullying and abuse from school kids in my year and lower years. I blamed the cause of all of it being due to having a bent nose and stopped questioning relentlessly what i must have done each time to have been the cause to be the target of bullies & their nasty behaviour to me to try & look good. 

Since my deviated septum (bent nose) from an accident as a child made my nose grow the wrong way & consequently then stopped my voice breaking & sounding deep, i sounded weird, had braces on my teeth 

meant during English class, the teacher said 

"We don't want to hear your voice, next person read on." 

And i had to deal with the whole class laughing at me. 

Although relieved as i did not have to speak like i did during roll call which caused me huge anxiety.

I became so introverted you would not know me as you would know the person i am today.

Picked last in PE (Physical Education) class??? 

Worse than that! 

They don't want me on either team, so i would get pushed back & forth by each team as they screamed no "We do not want him on our team, have him on your team", so unaccepted by both teams meant I would sit that game out. 

Being a skinny kid with braces on my teeth & with a weird voice & gel in my hair meant they do not want me on either team

The Teacher would allow myself, and my best friends Craig Walshie, Blake Trudgeon, Lindsey Shaw & Chris Pratley (when he wanted to join us) to play tennis instead separated from the rest of the PE class which saved me embarrassment! 

Now for a game? who's up for some real test questions? Please read on.

Test question 2

Why might Seven Days & One week be my favourite song of all time?

Thanks to atarifreak (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPThQ7mrfEl0JivFEn4-bow)

Test Question 3 

What year did i draw this painting (below right) that i kept all these years that Art teacher who wanted painting of terrorism i think was the aim & he said it was 

a) Good.

b) Bad.

c) I needed to paint faces. 

Identifying the faces would have made school life even worse so instead I just painted signs.

The worst part about being bullied & harassed is when you can stand their and be humiliated, pushed around & insulted and you feel nothing! Feeling nothing at all when your in front or not in front of bully's is actually the scariest feeling you could ever have. Why? Because when you feel nothing, nothing at all, it means you have the ability to do anything you want. Yes, you can do anything you want? There is nothing that could or would stop you doing whatever might be on your mind? It is only when you feeling something, an emotion or a tear which can easily unnerve you, make you slip or fault what you wanted to do, and it means you know your still alive inside. 

That is why souls that are suicidal rather than attention seeking always achieve suicide rather than seen as making an attempt & no one knows that they are suicidal until they achieved it.

I firmly say:

"Sticks and stones may break your bones but words, yes words, words can actually kill you!"

Party photos   

I have been partying from 1995 until 2015 - 20+ Years now easily. 

Tea Dance (White Party) Palm Springs 2011 - Me on the right -
Hence why Karl Josef Silberbauer was so jealous (Please click here for more information).

This year, 2011, the voices were already in my head.
AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PHOTO FROM WHITE PARTY SUNDAY TEA DANCE 2011.
In year 2011 I had the fun time I deserved since i reached "Optimal" (Please click here for more information) in 2009 when the voices began in my head & schizophrenia started.
I HAD SUCH A FUN WEEKEND DOING ALL 7 PARTIES IN A ROW! 
The voices actually did the right thing by me and lay Dormant (Not active in my head)!


Sadly the year before at White Party 2010 i was having such problems with the voices in my head & my friends had not noticed, although at the first party held on the Friday night being unhappy i left everyone at the party & returned to the room alone with voices in my head. I was staying on the top floor of the hotel except the Wyndham Hotel is only four stories high which was probably a good thing as throwing myself off the balcony would not have killed me.
I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT FELT THE EARTHQUAKE TREMA THAT NIGHT SINCE EVERYONE WAS DOWN AT THE PARTY GOING OFF THAT MADE ME STOP THINKING ABOUT SUICIDE & INSTEAD I TOOK A ZANEX AND GOT INTO BED.