4. THE FIRST FILM THAT I EVER FEATURED!

If I had known then what i know now? 

It was not until in stores that i seen i was on the cover!

When I first met Chi Chi LaRue she was great, she had seen me in Men Magazine & organised for me to be in a shoot in Palm Springs as a trial. I remember ChiChiLaRue saying "I already know because of rent boy that you can turn up at any Hotel door not knowing who your gonna meet or what they even look like & be able to perform, so sure if you want me to give you a trial, no problem" Was so impressed ChiChi gave credit for things most would never have considered as being a positive or something not all people can do easily.

I was worried like hell about how i would look, especially  after how i looked growing up (Please click here for Blog.0 for information regarding school years) & I was unsure how i would go but thanks to JohnnyHazzard for immediately putting me at ease as soon as i met him. He is a hot fucker as well as damn nice guy. Being at a film shoot was not how i expected but then once i had decided to do it, I'm not sure i if i stopped & thought about what i had expected. Plus i felt sorry for the photographer as my photo shoots took quite a long time as i am hopeless in front of the camera & usually looking the wrong direction or with the wrong angle & the camera man is forever trying to get me to pose correctly. LOL

Sadly this was one of the few films i was able to do before serious issues & problems took over.

It was a few months before I got to see what i looked like, photo shoot was better than film shoot, I had no idea that I had made the front cover until going into Chi Chi LaRue's store after it had already been released.

What happened at the Hookie awards that year? Please read on

3. SILENCE (I could hear the wind) BEFORE AN EARTHQUAKE?

Since i started hearing voices, they have never stopped & i never get a break. Like having a group of people sitting around you constantly asking you questions, chatting relentless about nothing to annoy you or questioning your every move, or thought, always wanting to know what i am doing? To sleep at night since they won't stop i usually have to take more than the recommended amount of sleeping tablets. 

Tonight was the first time the voices stopped & I could not hear them... I sat out on the balcony & I was able to hear the wind and only the wind... it was a beautiful sound... sound of peace & quiet... and sadly the last time i have been able to hear the world around me like the rest of the world can as the voices started again first thing as i woke in the morning & have never stopped again like that night. 
I have not had more than a 1 minute break from them since!


What broke the silence as i sat on the balcony enjoying the sound of the wind & feeling the breeze on my face? Please read on.

2•5. THE FIRST VOICES I HEARD IN MY HEAD?

Katy Perry = Kate Hudson

The first conversation i had with a voice inside my head was with a lady named Kate (Please click here for more information). She told me that she had lost her baby & that her baby had died which i empathised with & did my best to give her friendly advice which i had gain from one of my best friends named Tara Fugger (Please click here for more information). Basically as Tara once told me, i said she must be a good soul because life only throws at you what you can handle. It was a deep & meaningful conversation which was clear & while i was home alone sitting in the lounge room. During this time i did not realise i was now schizophrenic & actually thought i had mental telepathy & the voices were not coming from the afterlife or Heaven (Please click here for more information) but instead the people living in the apartment above me. I also around this time heard Jenny Rothschild say in my head, again without my permission that she would be my teacher. I also knew i was hearing a blonde haired lady whom i later discovered was Katherine Jones (Please click here for more information). I used to hear Jenny Rothschild & Katherine Jone's (Please click here for more information) voices as well as Scott & Jason Panza (Please click here for more information) whom would turn out to be souls different to those living on 1001 Croft Avenue, West Hollywood & instead be those names mentioned & Karl Josef Silberbaur (Please click here for more information). I thought i had gained the ability of mental telepathy from the people in the apartment playing "Hemi Sync" discs on their stereo which with my sensitive hearing i could hear. For example the stop smoking disc, that should only ever be played whilst wearing a headset because it affects brainwaves.

Looking for pics of what i thought Kate might look like i found this pic of Katy Perry. Kate is more curvaceous & has child bearing hips but when i discovered Katy Perry's real name was originally Kate Hudson I knew how she looked. 

Did i tell the voices I could hear to stop nicely & politely? Please read on.

2. MEN MAGAZINE PHOTO SHOOT "MAKING HIS MARK" OCTOBER 2009

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1. TRAVELLED THE WORLD & MOVED TO LONDON BEFORE WANTING TO CALL USA HOME!

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0. BLOG STARTING POINT - DOES 20+ YEARS PARTYING CAUSE YOU TO HEAR VOICES?

Photo taken back around year 2000 (Photo taken by Veronique who i love cause the photo made my abs look great and best ever which i always felt i looked good when I was in her company) before i left Sydney Shore to discover the world and myself at the time which back then i was still in the process of working out who i actually was??

I barely recognise myself (Second from the right) waxed plucked & pruned!

Do you hear voices in your head? Most people in their head hear their own voices playing a good role (Angel?) or something involving more trouble (devilish?). As a child growing up you are told no one can hear your thoughts & whether bad or good they are private & only you can hear them? What if that is not true? Why can my thoughts be heard now? It is invasive to say the least!

The other people in the photo are all pure heaven! 

Wonderful people to know! 

PLUS i learnt how to party & party i did for almost 20 years +

My friend Tara is a beautiful soul and gave me some of the greatest advice in life. She helped me with extra fun! 

She was even the person that first started me off working out & loving the gym! X X X

She & everyone mentioned in this blog entry knew me before my transformation.

TEST QUESTION NUMBER 1
How come that boy in the black & white photo below has got the same hair & facial hair around his chin as the fruit beside a gorgeous Paulo in the colour photo below the black & white photo? Is it the same fella?

Transformation included reconstructive surgery (which turned out to be one of the funniest experiences since they gave me cocaine which they asked me if I had ever had it before & although claiming I had not had it before I actually told the nurse i should allow me to snort it rather than how she shoved the liquified substance up my nose with difficulty & I could not get over its strength & had to say this shit is strong & all before going into the operating theatre. It even included me screaming at the nurse who placed the heart rate monitor on my finger because I was not paying attention as I was too tall to fit on the operating table & I thought something had bitten me. lol) to attempt to fix deviated septum (Unaware of a nose breakage during an accident as a child caused it to incorrectly develop) I additionally had further cosmetic surgery rather than just reconstructive surgery to restore myself & my looks. What is funny is that i didn't tell my parents about additional chin implant. When my parents picked me up after second surgery my mum asked me "Did you have your chin done?" i said nothing coz i had two black eyes and ambundance of bandaging around my chin so i could not lie. hehe. LOL

Thanks to surgery I was able to erase all my school years of total harassment, bullying and abuse from school kids in my year and lower years. I blamed the cause of all of it being due to having a bent nose and stopped questioning relentlessly what i must have done each time to have been the cause to be the target of bullies & their nasty behaviour to me to try & look good. 

Since my deviated septum (bent nose) from an accident as a child made my nose grow the wrong way & consequently then stopped my voice breaking & sounding deep, i sounded weird, had braces on my teeth 

meant during English class, the teacher said 

"We don't want to hear your voice, next person read on." 

And i had to deal with the whole class laughing at me. 

Although relieved as i did not have to speak like i did during roll call which caused me huge anxiety.

I became so introverted you would not know me as you would know the person i am today.

Picked last in PE (Physical Education) class??? 

Worse than that! 

They don't want me on either team, so i would get pushed back & forth by each team as they screamed no "We do not want him on our team, have him on your team", so unaccepted by both teams meant I would sit that game out. 

Being a skinny kid with braces on my teeth & with a weird voice & gel in my hair meant they do not want me on either team

The Teacher would allow myself, and my best friends Craig Walshie, Blake Trudgeon, Lindsey Shaw & Chris Pratley (when he wanted to join us) to play tennis instead separated from the rest of the PE class which saved me embarrassment! 

Now for a game? who's up for some real test questions? Please read on.