44. FIRST AID TENT IN THE BACKGROUND A SIGN OF HELP REQUIRED PLEASE! GRIN :)

Photo taken 2007 - Before i started hearing voices 2009!

This photo was taken in 2007, before i started hearing voices, & life interrupted in 2009 when Jenny Rothschild & Karl Josef Silberbauer decided this time because i glowed to play their game on my head.

Hearing voices reduced all of the fun in life i should be having majorly. Help me if you can?

Only now looking back at it do i think damn i looked good. But now thinking I seriously need that first aid tent you can see in the background.

I'm gonna make my 40's better than my 30's which is my "Master Plan" that should be achievable but I should not be saying my "Master Plan"because it gives the voices a heads up as to what they will want me to fail & gain enjoyment from stopping any chance of succeeding.


I gotta try get myself back into shape & in a place that i feel good. Only when you feel good will you attract the right people... or is the problem wanting to attract people in the first place? Usually when your on the lookout to pick someone up its like insect repellant... everyone runs a mile away from you! Eeeeeek! Its when your not looking for anything you find it right in front of you. Please wish me luck! Everyone I know should really be on the run! :)


Thanks to London Recordings (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpDPOKeVLYSvIAtgmkwVAAA)

43. WTF IS THIS??? WHY??? A REVERSE HARD ON??? WHY??? BECAUSE A JEALOUS VOICE I HEAR HATES MY GUTS???

This is what a voice in my head (Blog 40 explains who - Please click here) does to me. He reakon's he is "God" and calls this a reverse hard on! How & why is this possible?

The voices i hear do this to me for some reason? When ever I am in the gym change rooms after a workout (Please click here for more info about gym workouts), when ever I meet a hot guy or at my favourite beach, when ever they want to laugh and make fun of me! Its embarrassing to say the least! They say I could never have been Jock Hudson (Alan Dowsett) a porn star?

Photo Taken 2015 to prove real cock size

Sorry but I do love to have a good wank or jerk off session but I CANNOT a lot of the time coz of this! THEY HAVE EVEN TAKEN AWAY THE ENJOYMENT OF A GOOD ORGASM.... MAN'S greatest enjoyment! gone? They harness my orgasm? (Please click here for more information). Seems like i cannot have any fun without them destroying my fun for amusement. it sucks & because Karl was jealous which i do not do (Please click here for more information).

The voices in my head are always playing nasty games on me.... when have i ever done nasty type games to them??? 

(Please click here for more info on Games) 

and as for frustration??? (Please click here for more information).

42. CAN YOU FIX MY HEAD PLEASE?

My name is Alan Dowsett, also known as Jock Hudson & all these pictures are of me!

Do you know who i am? Who am I pointing at in the picture?

Can you help fix my head please? Do I sound different out loud to how my inner child sounds in my head? The voices i hear say my soul is the age of 3 and a half years old.

I have asked nicely and politely as possible, I have screamed at the top of my lungs, I am sick and tired of asking voices in my head that are doing me harm!

Why do the voices i hear in my head think that they know what is best for me when they hear what they want about me and they never find out for themselves who I am first? It hurts like you would not believe and they say in my profession that we have the highest pain threshold out of any profession in the world!

41. SEIZURES RETURNING! WHY? DOCTORS CANNOT EXPLAIN?

Today while i was in class the voices made it so that i cannot think twice. This means, what ever you read you cannot comprehend as that would be thinking it twice. You cannot write because what ever you think of writing you cannot then remember to write! It sucks when they do this to me. I couldn't participate in the group activity that i was meant to be doing. Then from what was already bad to even worse.. in seconds, I fell backward off the chair making a horrible shriek & my body then spasmed uncontrolably on the floor. It reminded me of all those times in the past although this was not a bad one in comparison to some of those back then.

My wonderful teacher, Debbie (plus Matt another teacher who heard the shriek/noise, as the seizure occurred, from the staff room) were beside me the whole time... They calmed me down & to focus on them & breath in & out with them & I started regaining my ability to control my body parts & breath properly again!.

Is there an answer as to why this is happening? More seizures??? Please click below link to read on.